Fake News: Detroit Lions ruin football, families

my friend writes for a sports site (ingamenow.com) and I absolutely love his humor, so he's agreed to let me add his posts to my blog. they are definitely gluten-free (& without lactose)

Dec24, 2008
by Lindsay Britton
The Detroit Lions are playing a level of football rarely seen before. Not only are they getting embarassed on the scoreboard, but now their empire of losing is expanding to breaking up families. A father and son from Pontiac, Michigan are no longer on speaking terms after an ill advised pre-Christmas gift of Detroit Lions tickets. Jason Dodson foolishly purchased two tickets for the Lions home finale against the Saints, one for himself and one for his father, Randy. “Lions tickets? I honestly thought he loved me,” Randy said of his son. “He may as well have put me in a home. A gift like that is insulting.” The younger Dodson was interviewed by the local media yesterday. “He refuses to speak to me, or even acknowledge my existence,” the younger Dodson said. “My mother caught him trying to burn my birth certificate and old family photos this morning.” When asked to validate his reaction, the elder Dodson replied ” I showed up to work every day for thirty-five years, I don’t think it’s too much to ask these guys (the Lions) to show up at least once in fifteen weeks.” After the “gift” exchange Randy Dodson declared Christmas officially canceled while he considered either disowning his son or selling him in to the South American drug trade. Dodson talked openly about dropping his interest in football to become an avid spectator of lawn bowling or figure skating and Dodson’s family seems to agree with his decision. “It’s the best thing for him,” said Shirley Dodson, Randy’s wife of forty-five years. “He’s got high blood pressure, and swearing and throwing things at the television every Sunday doesn’t help matters. Randy plans to watch figure skating because “the classical music clams my nerves.” The Dodson’s aren’t the only ones to be torn apart by the rancid play of the Detroit Lions. Incidents like these have been popping up with alarming frequency. Since Septmeber the Lions have been to blame for numerous stock markets collapses, apartment fires, and even world hunger. When asked about what his son should have given him, Dodson quipped “he may as well have given me crippling depression.”

http://blog.ingamenow.com/2008/12/24/fake-news-detroit-lions-ruin-football-families/