February 16, 2009By Lindsay Britton
Lanny McDonald and his red “Walrus” mustache played sixteen seasons in the NHL, playing for the Maple Leafs, Rockies, and Flames. McDonald’s wily mustache, which seemed to defy both logic and gravity, was the main reason behind the NHL’s decision to institute a league-wide mustache policy in 1986 that forbade players from growing comparable mustaches. According to inside sources, the league feared that a “mustache arms race” would open up too many old Cold War wounds. Thus, new league rules mandated that a mustache of McDonald’s caliber is only allowed to be sported by one player per season.
Currently, George Parros of the Anaheim Ducks is the only player allowed to wear such a mustache, which can transition from the hockey rink to the set of an amateur porn video with ease.
McDonald netted exactly 500 goals during his NHL career, and finished with 506 assists for a total of 1006 career points.However, his scoring prowess and Hockey Hall of Fame induction pale in comparison to McDonald’s achievements in the 1989 NHL playoffs, when McDonald’s mustache joined with his Grizzly Adams-esque beard. The result? McDonald captained his team to a Stanley Cup victory over the Montreal Canadiens, thereby establishing the mustache as the measuring stick by which all future team captains would be judged. McDonald went out on top, retiring a Stanley Cup and mustache champion after the 1989 season.
Unlike most former mustache sporting athletes, McDonald didn’t get rid of the mustache after his playing days. In fact, thanks to tireless grooming and an intense commitment to follicle health, McDonald’s mustache remains in “game shape” to this very day.
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